Deconstruction/ Reconstruction

This summer I am working on the fourth revision of a diary I keep while going through cancer. Each day I will share one rewritten entry. My goal is to have the fourth rough draft completed by August 15th. All rights reserved, but feedback welcome.:)

Today I am posting two because you need both for  full meaning.

 

Day Eight One
Watching Destruction
I don’t remember
many things my teacher’s have said
over the years, but I do remember
one quote:

“80% of the time,
or so,
people end up at the doctor
over what they could have controlled.”

As a I walk around and watch
how others destroy their own health
I must be honest and ask,
“how have I destroyed my own?”

I think we’re all suffering
from deeper, emotional traumas
that keep repeating the lie,
“you’re not worthy”

of health and of beauty
of joy and of love.
And so we continue
to self destruct.

Using food and alcohol,
drugs and distractions
like sex and social media
surrounding ourselves

with constant noise
so we don’t have time to stop
and feel and listen
to what’s really going on.

 

Day Eighty Two
Reconstruction
This past week I’ve been spoiled.
Thirteen days since my last chemo round
Toxins have left
my body.

I am reminded of
what energy was like
before treatment began.
Noises now quieted.

I’ve been blessed with
long walks, clean house,
and chances to be
entertained.

In the words of Mr. Carlyle who said,
“He who has heath has hope,
and he who has hope
has everything.”

I’ve chosen to reconstruct
instead of destruct,
and in that
I have everything.

I know my body will break down
not too long from now,
but today I’ve given myself
hope.


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