First Rung on the Ladder to Hell

Preface: I am currently writing about the seven levels I went through
in order to find my way back to the light, so my writings may seem
a bit darker than normal. This was the first level. Yet, I hope they still contain
a spark of light, and it was that light I saw and reached for
that pulled me out.

The Decent: Day 260
Emotional Hangovers

What one forgets
during an emotional storm
is the hangover that occurs
after.

the trauma
the disaster
the storm created.

The Decent: Day 261
Level 1

And when I see
the aftermath,
the damage
the power created,
pain
sets in.

I reduced myself
to the size of
a babe.

I am like a great tree,
all grown up
on the outside,
but cut me open
see all the rings
all the ages
I still am.

At my core
the babe
exists
needing to be
pacified.

So,
I grab food.
I initiate sex.
I grab a drink
anything
so I don’t have to feel
to see
what I’ve done.

This is the first rung
on the ladder
down
into
hell.


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